Fashion Funhouse Emporium

I kept hearing people say "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is the funniest show ever. I wanted to check it out, but really, someone as lazy as me should really not be adding another must watch show to the mile long list that already exists. Alas, too much coffee + late night + channel surfing = Another hilarious show.

The first episode I caught, I was utterly confused as to who these people were and how they even knew each other. And this is what I saw:

(Uh, viewer discression is advised? Possibly NSFW...)

It was bizarre, weird, and I kept singing the Troll Toll song for weeks-- and yet I had to watch again. I  imagine this is people's impression of myself when we first meet.  I mean, bizarre and weird, not a as a pimping troll.

What's all this have to do with fashion? Well, if you've ever noticed the Paddy's crew wearing off-beat t-shirts and wonder where they got them, here's where:

When the group of design-minded friends started cranking out their first few designs for the company Sub_Urban Riot, their friends Rob McElhenney, Glenn Howerton, and Charlie Day were doing a little tv show. Sub_Urban Riot lent the cast members some duds, then decided that, according to their site, " it way more fun to actually design tees FOR their characters. So, that’s how it started. And, it explains why we have tees on our website with such a big range in themes; from Windmills, to ridiculous rearing Stallions."

The crackpot team of designers use sustainable materials, not because its hip to act like you care, but rather "so your kids aren’t born with three arms and a tail."

Tees for the guys: Sub_Urban Riot, photos courtesy of Sub_Urban Riot

Tees for women, Sub_Urban Riot

And even kids. Sub_Urban Riot

The Monopoly World Championship was held last Thursday in Las Vegas. I don't get the infatuation with pretending to spend money on real estate I cant actually dwell in. Even the big beauty chain Sephora jumped on the bandwagon with others like Seinfeld and Reebok and came out with their own glammed up version of the board game.

Fox News announced the winner of the big Monopoly suck-fest as being 19 year old Bjorn Halvard Knappskog and reported the event in excruciatingly painful detail. (which may or may not be true given the source). Knappskog won $20,580 in real money for the title. Now go gamble that sum for real, you're a teenager in Vegas, for f*cks sake.  Schmergen Blergen, Bjorn!

The losers, however, won a big fat sum of nothing dollars and zilch cents, which pretty much sums up my lifetime of playing the abusive business practice board game.

Hence, Fashion Funhouse Emporium gives you Monopoly Fashion for Losers.

Toilet Necklace, Fred Flare

When I'm forced to play this cardboard family bonanza of "fun," I just wear this necklace and remove the charm to swap out with any game piece. Why?  because that's where all of my fun colored dollars go--right down the shitter.

LED Faceless Watch, 100%

I wear this faceless watch so I can't easily view how many hours of my life had been wasted shelling out fake money for fake bills.  Why wear a watch at all you may ask?  Simple, the time function displays when the button is pressed, which comes in handy if  the game goes on to its fifth hour and I want to plot my own death by slitting my wrists with a luxury tax card.  "Okay if this goes on for one more second...."

Coin Purse, Fred Flare

It's not my fault that I always lose. I blame lack of regulation and over zealous lenders.  Why are you letting me buy B & O Railroad when I have barely enough cash to cover it?  Duh, the only other thing I own on the entire board is Baltic Avenue! You'll only be getting my one rent by the hour motel as collateral.

Stripe Dress, Topshop

If I'm going to sit in jail through 4,000 of my turns, why not look cute while doing it?

Tee by Junk Food, Amazon

Some people buy fake Louis Vuitton, others just prefer to be more literal with dollar sign gold necklaces or cash money embellished hoodies. Consider this the Monopoly version. I don't got it, but I'm gonna flaunt it.