Fashion Funhouse Emporium

Emporium Style: What to do When You Spend too Much on One Pair of Really Hot Boots

Fashion Emporium Editor — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 13:04:29 EST

Over the knee boots are the must-have footwear for fall. I'm not usually one to follow trends, but I've always loved high boots, and upon seeing these lace up 4inch heels, I immediately began incorporating them into my wardrobe while they were still just a photo online.

But $500 dollars seemed absurd to spend on just one pair of shoes. I waited for them to go on sale, visiting them daily as if they were my beloved Uncle Butch who is doing time at Rikers Island Penitentiary. I watched as my size disappeared. I Googled and searched and found them on one other site...that didn't have my size. Finally Saks announced their "friends and family sale" which I am neither of to at anyone at Saks, but turns out that anyone who will drop half a grand at the luxury retailer is considered both.

But I did not go gently into that good sales pitch. I calculated the discount with the free shipping. Still the leather bad ass boots were a whopping $400. I emailed everyone I knew for advice, even texting my sister who has a newborn baby and surely has more important things to contemplate:

"Hypothetically, there are these boots you want, you have no children or social life. They cost 400 dollars in real money...but they are on sale. You have just enough money in your checking account. You: a) borrow from your pittance of a savings account and buy them, b) you spend the money in your checking account and eat eggs for a month, c) are you out of your f*cking mind?"

She never sent me a text back with her answer.

I did it. I bought them. I had a panic attack afterwards, but nonetheless.

Fearing I blew a years budget on the high knee covering hotness, I came across The 2 Bandits adornments for your boots. If I'm going to have to wear the same boots everyday, for possibly for the rest of my life, its good to know I can change them up for not much cash! While some of the pieces are still a little pricey, the sale section and the online shop do offer cute styles for around $30.00.

Camel riders, photo: The 2 Bandits

Riders black and gold, photo: The 2 Bandits

Sunday, photo The 2 Bandits.

Click on these links below for more ways to style shoes you already have:

Absolutely Audrey

Litter SF

Funhouse Style: Mentioning 'Unmentionables'

Fashion Emporium Editor — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:11:22 EST

Nerdy Girls Need Love too!

Model Photo: Christian Dior Couture Fall Show 2009

Click on the photo numbers for websites: 1) Mesh Thong, Brooklyn Fox 2) Garter Tank, Kiki de Montparnasse 3) Tool Belt Gartner, Brooklyn Fox 4) Cabaret Brief, La Perla 5) Lace Bralet, Topshop 6) Over the Knee Socks, Barneys 7) Silk Bikini, Figleaves 8) Garter Thong, DKNY

Emporium Style: It's Always Sunny (and Eco-Friendly) at Sub_Urban Riot.

Fashion Emporium Editor — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:33:56 EDT

I kept hearing people say "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is the funniest show ever. I wanted to check it out, but really, someone as lazy as me should really not be adding another must watch show to the mile long list that already exists. Alas, too much coffee + late night + channel surfing = Another hilarious show.

The first episode I caught, I was utterly confused as to who these people were and how they even knew each other. And this is what I saw:

(Uh, viewer discression is advised? Possibly NSFW...)

It was bizarre, weird, and I kept singing the Troll Toll song for weeks-- and yet I had to watch again. I imagine this is people's impression of myself when we first meet. I mean, bizarre and weird, not a as a pimping troll.

What's all this have to do with fashion? Well, if you've ever noticed the Paddy's crew wearing off-beat t-shirts and wonder where they got them, here's where:

When the group of design-minded friends started cranking out their first few designs for the company Sub_Urban Riot, their friends Rob McElhenney, Glenn Howerton, and Charlie Day were doing a little tv show. Sub_Urban Riot lent the cast members some duds, then decided that, according to their site, " it way more fun to actually design tees FOR their characters. So, that’s how it started. And, it explains why we have tees on our website with such a big range in themes; from Windmills, to ridiculous rearing Stallions."

The crackpot team of designers use sustainable materials, not because its hip to act like you care, but rather "so your kids aren’t born with three arms and a tail."

Tees for the guys: Sub_Urban Riot, photos courtesy of Sub_Urban Riot

Tees for women, Sub_Urban Riot

And even kids. Sub_Urban Riot

Emporium Style: Monopoly Fashion for Losers

Fashion Emporium Editor — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:10:04 EDT

The Monopoly World Championship was held last Thursday in Las Vegas. I don't get the infatuation with pretending to spend money on real estate I cant actually dwell in. Even the big beauty chain Sephora jumped on the bandwagon with others like Seinfeld and Reebok and came out with their own glammed up version of the board game.

Fox News announced the winner of the big Monopoly suck-fest as being 19 year old Bjorn Halvard Knappskog and reported the event in excruciatingly painful detail. (which may or may not be true given the source). Knappskog won $20,580 in real money for the title. Now go gamble that sum for real, you're a teenager in Vegas, for f*cks sake. Schmergen Blergen, Bjorn!

The losers, however, won a big fat sum of nothing dollars and zilch cents, which pretty much sums up my lifetime of playing the abusive business practice board game.

Hence, Fashion Funhouse Emporium gives you Monopoly Fashion for Losers.

Toilet Necklace, Fred Flare

When I'm forced to play this cardboard family bonanza of "fun," I just wear this necklace and remove the charm to swap out with any game piece. Why? because that's where all of my fun colored dollars go--right down the shitter.

LED Faceless Watch, 100%

I wear this faceless watch so I can't easily view how many hours of my life had been wasted shelling out fake money for fake bills. Why wear a watch at all you may ask? Simple, the time function displays when the button is pressed, which comes in handy if the game goes on to its fifth hour and I want to plot my own death by slitting my wrists with a luxury tax card. "Okay if this goes on for one more second...."

Coin Purse, Fred Flare

It's not my fault that I always lose. I blame lack of regulation and over zealous lenders. Why are you letting me buy B & O Railroad when I have barely enough cash to cover it? Duh, the only other thing I own on the entire board is Baltic Avenue! You'll only be getting my one rent by the hour motel as collateral.

Stripe Dress, Topshop

If I'm going to sit in jail through 4,000 of my turns, why not look cute while doing it?

Tee by Junk Food, Amazon

Some people buy fake Louis Vuitton, others just prefer to be more literal with dollar sign gold necklaces or cash money embellished hoodies. Consider this the Monopoly version. I don't got it, but I'm gonna flaunt it.

Funhouse Style: Mrs. Mia Wallace, Film Fashion Icon

Fashion Emporium Editor — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:33:54 EDT

Smoking Cigarettes (Fake!)
Mallats.com

Get this Wig! internationalwig.com

I have to admit, when "Pulp Fiction" first came out, I went out and bought a long white button down shirt, black cropped capri pants and black flats. I channeled Mrs. Mia Wallace. I wore that outfit at least three times a week, and years later, I still find myself yearning to rock it again, long after the ensemble was scrapped due to the thread-thin garments and soles becoming detached from the shoes.

Halloween is fast approaching, and so, Fashion Funhouse Emporium will be bringing you fashion icons of film to inspire your costume creativity.

And, if you continue to wear this bad ass style all year long, I wont judge!

Funhouse Style: The Dude and Dudettes Abide - 'The Big Lebowski' Fashion

Fashion Emporium Editor — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 21:10:10 EDT

Costume National Dress pants $325

Black Cropped Pant $64

Rag & Bone Haraki Pants $275

Blair Skinny Twill Pant $44

The Dude's Sweater Look

FULL TILT Grandpa Womens Sweater $27

Cheap Monday Robyn Cardigan $98

Dolce Vita Zigzag Cardigan Sweater $297

Burberry V-neck cardigan $325

Dude, this is Fashion Funhouse Emporium's first installment of looks inspired by the "Funniest Movies of All Time." Today, we picked "The Big Lebowski" which is ranked number 4 on the Associated Content's list of "Best Comedy Movies Ever Made."

These Fall sweaters and pants (just add v-neck t-shirt) will have you mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, and seeking restitution for your ruined rug. That rug really tied the room together.