Fashion Funhouse Emporium

I love crazy couture. I wish that I was more of an attention hog. I could stroll down the street in some incredibly artistic, meticulously and compulsively detailed, bat-shit outfit. Alas, I prefer to glide through my days observing rather than participating in conversation. Its not that I'm unfriendly. It's just that I've always been more of an introvert, much to my own dismay.

I was cruising the coverage of the 2010 couture shows. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in the lack of insanity this go round. Where were the mad metallic bucket hats and voluminous dresses like those at Dior Spring 2008? (my favorite of this past decade) or the crazy "hair" hats of Jean Paul Gualtier's Fall 2006 show? Couture week definitely felt the absence of Christian Lacroix and his abstract impressionist gowns in which he seemed to just splash colors and textures together.

Though it was a little difficult to pick out my favorites due to the "Ive seen that already" nature of this seasons shows, without further ado....

Armani Privé

Armani Privé - Though it looks a little like bubble wrap, the theme of the show was based on lunar references. I love the shape of the dress...look out, it's a full moon.

Christian Dior

Christian Dior- John Galliano took a trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and decided to go the equestrian route. The only problem was, at first glance, I thought to myself, Ralph Lauren did this similar theme for his ready to wear show in Spring of 2008. I look to John Galliano for the extreme and not even giving the Kentucky Derby style a Dior cut could make me swoon. It could be that his past shows were just so amazing, even he has a hard time topping himself.  However, I did love the colors and textures and wouldn't turn down this coat if Galliano sent to me. I'm just saying...

Or these shoes....I love the army green paired with bright colors. It inspired me to buy a fuchsia scarf and army green scrunch gloves.

Jean Paul Gaultier

Jean Paul Gualtier - This is my favorite piece out of all the slides I viewed.  I love the way JPG took tropical plants, leather and other strange materials and braided them into bags, hair pieces and even dresses. Some looked a little macrame- summer camp project, but the detail on this dress is bright and intricate along with the leaf bag. I cant tell if its leather made to look like plants, or an actual plant. Ahhh, clothes that make me think!

Valentino

Valentino - It's always a go-to if you want to be covered in ultra feminine colors, bows and three- demesional florals.

Light and flowing pink sheer booties top off the look.

Chanel

Chanel - I struggled with this one. Does it seem to anyone else that Chanel has been a f*ckfest of Karl on Karl action?  He has to throw in his own look of black tie, white shirt, black jacket in every show.  Are the models grey streaks in the hair a tribute to Karl too? Okay, we get it. You're cool.

And while we know Coco Chanel's signature was mutli-colored tweed, the saturation of knock-offs over the past couple of years and "Chanel-like" jackets and skirts from Forever 21 to Kmart has me thinking that particular suit should be shelved for a while and brought back when my 3 year old niece is old enough to buy one of her own. Sure, Karl did coulottes instead of skirts, but I wanted to see a bit more innovation, especially at couture week where budget shouldn't matter and anything goes.

But I do love this 1930's style dress with a draped opening to reveal the brocade underneath.

Thimister

Josephus Thimister-  hes a veteran though you might not recognize the name.  The very literal theme of his first show in over a decade was based on blood shed and militia.  While some pieces were blood red paired with neutral army green, I loved the interpretation of  these "weaponry" gowns.

I haven't posted at all this week because of a couple reasons.  I was having issues with the OnSugar publishing and Google Chrome. Apparently since the browser is new, OnSugar isn't compatible. I spent an hour writing a post, only to have it not save and be no where to be found. I didn't have time to rewrite and post.

The other reason is that I was busy prepping for a test shoot. For those of you that may not know the stylist lingo, a test shoot is done gratis in exchange for your own portfolio pieces.  A guy contacted me on one of the websites that listed my work and asked me to style his client, a young, up and coming singer and song writer named Rachel Griffin.  After watching her youtube videos and visiting her site, I decided that I couldn't decline. She has a great voice and is very sweet.

With test shoots, stylists usually end up shelling out their own dineros, which is why I had to work with a very limited budget. Hey, we all have to start somewhere right?  Sometimes the most inspiring pieces come from creating it yourself.  That is where artists are alike, stylists, musicians, painters, etc.

So I watched her you tube videos.  I was inspired by her voice and personality.  I didn't want to dress her in some crazy Gaga get -up or slut her out, like many pop stars her age.

While I think I did a decent job of making something out of nothing in regard to clothing and accessories, I thought it would be fun to pick some pieces out  that realistically wasn't in the budget this time around.

Since she is a soulful, youthful singer I think it should fit her young spirit, and her old soul voice. Check out this outfit inspired by Rachel.

$2,235.00 by Zac Posen at Net-A-Porter

Head Piece by Jennifer Behr, Spring 2010

$230.00 by Fallon at Barneys New York

$350.00 at Barneys New York

$13.00 at The Limited

$450.00 by Elizabeth and James at Neiman Marcus

Check out Rachel Griffin on iTunes

Its the Sunday Funhouse Comics (on a Tuesday!)

I'M A DICK BY CHRIS BROWN

Photo via WWD, Dominique Maitre

WWD- Chris Brown, aka, the guy who beat up his girlfriend Rihanna, thought it would be a good idea to pose next to a bloody and bruised Jean Paul Gaultier for a photo-op during the JPG men's spring show.

Jean Paul Gaultier's boxing theme show seemed to be right up Brown's alley as he likes to beat up people, especially women.  Domestic abuse is never funny.  What is funny is Chris Brown's level of stupidity and fame-whoring. So much so that he stood next to a man with fake blood on his face and took it as an opportunity to ask that someone give him a clothing line. I guess community service isn't really padding that bank account the way Brown would've hoped.

As a visibly uncomfortable Jean Paul stood there with his hands crossed in front of him, silently saying "don't hit me, you make me sick." Brown told reporters that he wanted to collaborate with a fashion label and added  “It has to kind of blend with what I’m doing because I’m so busy,”

Indeed he is busy. He has a probation officer to meet. (Anyone else wondering what kind of  5 year probation and six months of community service allows you to go to a Paris fashion show???)

"I'm a Dick" by Chris Brown is still waiting for a designer offer.

Who do I have to punch to go to Paris Fashion Week? Just tell me, I'll totally do it.

PRAD DE DA, PRADA!

Changing of the Guards at Fashion Week, Photo: Wizard of Oz

Fashionologie- Anna Wintour and her party planner are excited about New York Fashion Week's move to Lincoln Center. She compares her fashion events to the White House state dinner where two reality stars party-crashed.

When speaking of  her new director of fashion week, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, Anna says "In essence, Stephanie will be an ambassador. We needed someone who knows who is who and how to handle everything. When we had the incident at the White House in January and some strange people walked in, my first reaction was, 'It would never happen if Stephanie were there.'"

The new fashion week security will require that fashionistas journey to Lincoln Center while being chased by flying monkeys. Once there, they will face the giant floating head of Anna Wintour, who's booming voice will command, "Step forward, you lowly fashion blogger. You dare to come to me for a seat, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of kaligenous junk!"

I will then pee my pants and run away, but not before the curtain opens to reveal  Winston Wolkoff jamming on levers and yelling into an auto-tuner. I will still flee as fast as my cheap shoes can take me.

SWEAT SHOP OR "SWEAT" SHOP?

Telegraph UK - Jeff Banks, the co-founder of UK chain store Warehouse believes that fashion gives opportunity to those who wouldn't normally have it.  He denounces critics of sweat shop labor and says, "It only takes 10 weeks to train a machinist; better that we train young girls to be machinists than they become prostitutes in Bangkok or somewhere.”

This reminds me of the recent bit of wisdom spewed here in our very own United States by South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer. During a town hall meeting, Bauer dropped some knowledge on your asses regarding needy children who receive free lunch in schools. He said "My grandmother was not a highly educated woman [really?] but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better,”

Yes, this man is a Lt. Governor.

As a past recipient of both free school lunches and Reagan era government "cheese." I can tell  you two things:

1) No matter how high you turn up the burner, or how long you cook that "cheese" between two slices of bread, it will NEVER, EVER melt.

2) Free lunch, while it was "food," it usually consisted of sponge like pizza, a tiny milk and high fructose corn syrup soaked peaches. Since the meal caused most of its recipients to sleep immediately afterwards, I think  you could blame the lack of nutrition for low test scores rather than the actual act of giving itself. Furthermore, though my parents worked, they still required assistance.

I went on to become a childless college educated woman who pays taxes by doing something I love.

Though, the amount of times I've been asked to work for free in the fashion industry, or the times I've been written bad checks, or have worked over 40 hours a week with out the opportunity to collect health benefits or 401K, perhaps I may have been better off as a hooker or "breeding" more dumb asses like myself?

STILL GOT THAT UNION JACK DRESS?

Crains- Get ready for the Spice Girls musical on Broadway- in all its spandex and platform shoe glory.

Just when you thought there couldn't be anything worse than "Mama Mia."

CEASE AND REPOST!

Photo via rueters

Reuters- An attorney for fashion designers of menswear demands fair coverage of the European men's fashion week. He is upset that the photos the Reuters blogger posted is making it seem as if these fashions are things that men wouldn't actually wear.

I am assuming this is a real letter since it is posted in Reuters "Oddly Enough" section.

And I think some guy, somewhere would wear what is pictured above. Especially if he was into that sort of dungeon and whip type thing.

Do you think this blog will ever get popular enough to get correspondence from lawyers? I kind of hope so.

Emporium Style

Photo: Lacoste

To all the ladies who love sneakers, I thought you might like this one.  Street wear brand Married to the Mob has teamed up with LACOSTE to bring you this lace covered confection for your feet.

If you don't know the brand Married to the Mob, the line spawned when designer Leah McSweeney desired to make casual wear in a girl friendly version.  In 2004, out of her pink-walled apartment in New York City, she took her Mac computer and got to work.

Says Leah, "I have been wanting to work with lace for a while but was waiting for the right product. Once I saw the silhouette of the LACOSTE sneaker I knew the lace idea would work perfectly for this. I had originally been inspired by the shoe king Christian Louboutin. He had used lace on a pump and it looked so chic. I thought how cool would it be to translate that onto a sneaker."

Photo: Lacoste

The racy lacy hi-tops will be in stores on February 14th. Yes, that's Valentines Day, girls. The shoes come in lavender with black lace and the pictured nude with black lace. They will also be available online at LACOSTE and Married to the Mob.

Who's Suing Who in Fashion

In 2007, Old Navy hired designer Todd Oldham as creative director. Since then, the two "Olds" have been duking it out.

Todd Oldham's happy-go-lucky colored stripes have graced the sofas of La -Z-Boy and hit the shelves of Target in dorm form.  When Gap Inc. hired him, the plan was to revive the struggling Old Skeevy by designing for 20-somethings rather than families, then eventually launch a collection  for the chain under Oldham's own name.

Todd Oldham's trademark line never came to fruition. So Oldham grabbed the lawyers of his design company called L-& Designs Inc.  and was like, "whats up Old Navy? Im suing you."  Then Old Navy was like "Oh yea, were terminating this agreement."  Then Oldham and his posse was all like "See you in court bitches! I'll be the guy in the tropical-fruit stripe suit!"

The court date came and good ol' judge Denny Chin ruled that Old Navy made an effort to appease Oldham and threw the suit out.

“Moreover, L-7 was making extraordinarily high demands,” Chin wrote. “At one point during the discussions, L-7 demanded (through outside counsel) $75 million in compensation for lost royalties and reputational damages. It later demanded a minimum guarantee of $37.5 million in royalties for a three-year-term, which it then later reduced to $20 million for a two-year term.…It is not surprising that Old Navy resisted these demands.” Chin told WWD.

Todd Oldham is filing for an appeal.

Finally, if you missed the Todd Oldham for Target collection of home decor launched in 2002, it seems the retailer is still up to its ass in "Butterfly Topiary's" and "Pitchers of Cheer."  You can still buy these items online.

Photo: Target.com

It's the Sunday Fun House Comics.

JIMMY POO

Photos: H&M/ Nordstrom

Guardian- Jimmy Choo’s latest high-low collaboration will be with Ugg Australia.

Those who are fans and sport the bulky boots often look like they’ve broken both legs (and feet) and have been walking around with muddy casts on for over a month. Caked with latte drippings, trash slime splashes and street funk plainly visible on the pale color of these brick shaped shoes, says of the wearer to the general public, “Meh. Sex Appeal, Shmex Appeal.”

Jimmy Choo seems to be sharing the same sentiment as of late. On the heels of the recent launch of a line for H&M, Choo has given up on designing the “it” luxury shoe and moved on to the sh*t shoe. Says Jimmy, Meh, why bother?

CHANEL TATS DAT ASS

Photo: Gianni Pucci / GoRunway.com

New York Daily News – Chanel will be selling temporary tattoos in March via the company’s website for $75 each. The short –term ink will be similar to the designs seen on their runway models during the spring 2010 show.

Really, Chanel? Online? You're not even going to make me walk into one of your boutiques and face shame from the sales associates when I say  "Uh, one temporary double "C" logo tattoo, please?"

Is this the same Chanel who never holds sales and the same Chanel who sent out a memo to all editors and anyone using the Chanel name? Yes. In fact it is. In July Chanel issued this letter:

Now, anyone who can scrounge up $75 can wear the double “C” logo on their left breast which can be exposed nicely in that pleather bustier. Or maybe even worn on around the ankle with your new "Chanel-ed" clogs from Steve Madden?

Don't get me wrong, I admire Chanel. Who doesn't?  But if I wanted to spend my  monthly metro pass money on body advertising then I'd just go to Chinatown and get fake gold "Chanel-ized" earrings.

And if you’re really into branding yourself with luxury, just go to your tattoo artist buddy and have him permanent ink right over top the temporary version. Just remember to “take the trademark seriously.”

YOU'RE NOT INVITED

Photo By Tyler Boye via WWD

WWD-  Here is my link to the Golden Globes coverage .A bunch of celebrities wore designer dresses to an awards show and people held umbrellas for them.

SPEAKING OF KNOCK-OFFS...

New York Times- It was uncovered that New York City law enforcement agents were destroying ceased counterfeit goods including unworn clothing and shoes. In the past, these goods were donated to the needy, in which the non-profit organizations would remove labels and deface logos before distributing.

Im confused. I thought poor was in fashion?  Apparently Vivienne Westwood doesn't mind who wears her clothes. I love Westwood, but, holy sh*t!  Shopping carts and bed rolls on the runway? *Politically Incorrect Alert!* Alert!* Did you need to be so literal? Couldn't you have just hinted like the store display at Barney's or the W magazine spread? Or even an Olsen?

I WANT MY MTV STORE

The Observer - The MTV store that sat conveniently next to lines of screaming tourist teens waiting to wave at pop stars under the now defunct TRL studio is closing.

The "malling" of New York continues as the frat-boy-in-training mall chain Aeropostale plans to move into the old MTV Store space.  Next to Billabong, across the street from the soon to be Forever 21, and down the street from Gap. The food court choices are The Olive Garden, Planet Hollywood and Red Lobster.  No really, the Never Ending Pasta Bowl tastes different in New York.

The Nut House

Im a fan of the Sex Pistols, which is why this collection by Vans is disappointing. There is nothing less punk rock than a mainstream label like Vans, just printing "Never Mind The Bollocks" on boat shoes. And board shorts, for Ch*st Sakes?

If Sid Vicious saw you wearing these, he would stab you.

Photo: via Hypebeast

Photo: via Hypebeast

It's Man Style

I like high fashion. However sometimes, especially with the men's shows, its even too strange or too flat out ugly for me to appreciate. The expressions of the models and the combination of the get ups are hard to take seriously. So here, obviously, is the part where I pick out my least favorite from the Men's Fall 2010 shows. I would never want a man I find attractive to be seen in any of the following.

Jackson Potluck

You've met him before. He's the guy whose dad has a name like Mortimer Danbury Thurson III. This guy went to school for philosophy against his fathers wishes, then ran off to live in a loft in the Lower East Side of New York to experience "real life."  There he decided to become an artist. His most acclaimed works include "Piss in a Jar," which is pretty self explanatory, and "Organic" in which he splashes Sherwin Williams house paint on a canvas, gets high and thinks its an awesome idea to add his own spooge splashes into the mix.

The Real Situation

I was waiting for my boyfriend.  When he came out of the building, I told him "I just saw a shirtless huge muscle man with warrior hair walking down the middle of Seventh Avenue." He said, "Oh, thats He-Man." Turns out, its known all over Manhattan, theres a dude who they call the He-Man. He's a guy that walks around the city, usually sans shirt.  He-Man likes to walk down the middle of the street. Sidewalks are for sissies! Anyway, perhaps this look was inspired by him.  Though, if this catches on in some place like say, suburban Chicago, where the men love the deep dish sausage pizzas and bratwurst, that wont be pretty.

Careless Whisper

This guy is never gonna dance again. Guilty feet have got no rhythm. Oh, he knows its easy to pretend. But, he knows you're not a fool.  Yes,  he should of known better than to cheat a friend, and waste this chance that he's been given. So, in return, for the shitty things he's done, he's never gonna dance again. At least not the way he's danced with you. (How messed up is it that I remembered those lyrics off the top of my head?)

Neo wants Coffee

This guy was in line at Starbucks.  You know those spoons that the baristas use to top your cappacino with frothy milk?  I saw him bend one...with his mind!!

Crazy Cat Man

He lives alone in a dark basement apartment,  with the exception of his 14 cats; Muffy, Butterball, Socks, Arichibald, Mr. Whiskers, Blackie 1, Blackie 2....And, Apparently they all enjoy sitting on the sleeves of his coat. He rarely sleeps, well, because of the constant meowing. He doesn't like people at all, that is unless they are nicely prepared in a thick and hearty stew.

Eskimo Kisses

When this guy was younger, he fantasized about running away to Alaska to live among the penguins. When he got a bit older, he realized that Eskimo-style living wouldn't bring in as much bling as modeling. So he decided one day, he'd make his very own igloo that he could be in where ever he goes. Look at that little satisfied smirk. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy.