Fashion Funhouse Emporium

Funhouse Style: Senior Citizen Chic Style Gift Gallery

Fashion Emporium Editor — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:45:47 EST

MSNBC reported that the "Geezer Bandit: has been robbing up the place with gun in hand. Depending on your life perspective, you can think this is a really sad day in American when old people have to heist banks for their meds. Or, if you're like me, you may find this a bit funny that a 70 year old man is reliving his Bonnie and Clyde glory days and then feel the need to relate it to fashion in any way you can. My favorite tidbit of information in this report: "He fled on foot."

I love cardigans and hats. I'm always cold and ranting about how teens dress too sexy. Ive coined this style Senior Citizen Chic.

Click the pics below and get your Grandpa/Grandma Fashion inspired by the Geezer Bandit.

Emporium Style: Thanksgiving at the In Laws

Fashion Emporium Editor — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:57:33 EST

The holidays are quickly approaching and that means the sometimes obligatory visits to see people who you'd rather add as your facebook friend than see live in and person. "Hey! Just thinking about you mother in law! Glad you sent me a request!" That's it, social interaction complete.

But Facebook has yet to create an app for the dreaded and awkward Thanksgiving dinner at the in laws. Thus, we are subjected to face to face backdoor compliments such as "Did you lose weight? Every time I see you, you re thinner!" Or not so in your face, like "You're my only hope for grandchildren" i.e. said while you're standing there but not directly to you.

Anyway, here are a few products to help you survive that family food festival and be able to give thanks for that long awaited train or car ride back to your own house.

Graey Online Boutique, Flask Purse

Excuse yourself to go the restroom. Its normal for girls to take their purse with them. No one will suspect a thing while your sitting on the toilet, fully clothed with the door locked and chugging down your "magic toleration liquid."

Button on Napkin System, Ett la Ben

Don't wipe your hands on the festive brocade turkey linens, you'll ruin them. But why are they on the table then? Don't try to decipher why there are napkins on the table that you cant use. Bring your own. Oh, don't eat that fruit in the silver bowl centerpiece. Its plastic.

Johnathan Adler Shoe Butter Dish

Remember when President Bush dodged a shoe thrown by an Iraqi man? If the aforementioned tactics fail to keep the peace, borrow this Arab world insult and "accidentally" launch this dish when the mother in law asks you to pass the butter.

Emporium Style: Monopoly Fashion for Losers

Fashion Emporium Editor — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:10:04 EDT

The Monopoly World Championship was held last Thursday in Las Vegas. I don't get the infatuation with pretending to spend money on real estate I cant actually dwell in. Even the big beauty chain Sephora jumped on the bandwagon with others like Seinfeld and Reebok and came out with their own glammed up version of the board game.

Fox News announced the winner of the big Monopoly suck-fest as being 19 year old Bjorn Halvard Knappskog and reported the event in excruciatingly painful detail. (which may or may not be true given the source). Knappskog won $20,580 in real money for the title. Now go gamble that sum for real, you're a teenager in Vegas, for f*cks sake. Schmergen Blergen, Bjorn!

The losers, however, won a big fat sum of nothing dollars and zilch cents, which pretty much sums up my lifetime of playing the abusive business practice board game.

Hence, Fashion Funhouse Emporium gives you Monopoly Fashion for Losers.

Toilet Necklace, Fred Flare

When I'm forced to play this cardboard family bonanza of "fun," I just wear this necklace and remove the charm to swap out with any game piece. Why? because that's where all of my fun colored dollars go--right down the shitter.

LED Faceless Watch, 100%

I wear this faceless watch so I can't easily view how many hours of my life had been wasted shelling out fake money for fake bills. Why wear a watch at all you may ask? Simple, the time function displays when the button is pressed, which comes in handy if the game goes on to its fifth hour and I want to plot my own death by slitting my wrists with a luxury tax card. "Okay if this goes on for one more second...."

Coin Purse, Fred Flare

It's not my fault that I always lose. I blame lack of regulation and over zealous lenders. Why are you letting me buy B & O Railroad when I have barely enough cash to cover it? Duh, the only other thing I own on the entire board is Baltic Avenue! You'll only be getting my one rent by the hour motel as collateral.

Stripe Dress, Topshop

If I'm going to sit in jail through 4,000 of my turns, why not look cute while doing it?

Tee by Junk Food, Amazon

Some people buy fake Louis Vuitton, others just prefer to be more literal with dollar sign gold necklaces or cash money embellished hoodies. Consider this the Monopoly version. I don't got it, but I'm gonna flaunt it.