Fashion Funhouse Emporium

Indie Emporium

Photo: Pearl River

Michelle Obama has become this generation's Jackie O of fashion. I stumbled upon this re-usable nylon shopping bag when cruising one of my favorite oddball stores for some paper blinds for my kitchen.

This bizarre Chinese shopping bag which features the First Lady taking a leisurely ride on a swing while in the background, The White House drops from a parachute. (And is that Bambi in the corner?) The bag called "Mighty Michelle" has no explanation, nor no designer listed. The caption reads "First Lady of Fabulous."  Im thinking of getting one to carry items to photo shoots. It's so cheesy that it's awesome.

The Mighty Michelle Nylon tote is $13 at Pearl River Mart.

Now that the weather is getting warmer, I've opened all my windows and let the cool breeze flow through my once stuffy railroad apartment.

If you've been following you know that I've been slowly rolling out the spring trends.  Sitting by an open window with the sun shining and the feeling the slight drift of air has inspired me to cover another hit on the runway for the season: Minimalism.

I'm a fan, myself. There are those of us that go all out, but then there are those of us that love a well cut down low beautiful silhouette.  Designers featured muted pastels in pink and blue. Theses colors and flirty nudes and crisp whites in simple, flowing feminine shapes provide a wave of fresh air.

Jen Kao; Yigal Azrouel

Andy and Debb; A Detacher

Emporium Style

Now that the weather is getting warmer, I find myself with the same shoe issue I have every year: searching for the perfect pair of sandals. I fell in love with a pair of Prada criss cross sling backs. Though there were a couple of problems that I saw. First, they have 5 inch heels, and second, I can't afford them.

I usually don't wear flats, so I strive to get heels that I don't have to change out of  when I need to move a little faster on busy days Though, even the most comfortable of high heels will start to hurt after  a couple hours on pavement. When you have a job like mine, sometimes that means running to 12 places in one day for a last minute shoot.  I don't want to carry a suitcase style handbag just so I can fit extra shoes.  My little shoulders can't bear the weight a whole day of notepads, four tubes of lipstick, phone, wallet, keys, lookbooks, water bottles and bulky sneakers. (Besides, I work in fashion and I will not be seen in running shoes over tights!)

That is why Footzy Rolls caught my eye. These roll-able shoes are a version of flattering flats that don't take up much space in your bag.  When your feet are feeling like they are going to detach from your ankles, simply take the shoes out, unroll and throw them on.

They are completely street wearable, skid resistant and they even come with a shoe bag for your heels! They come in an assortment of colors: black, pink, wedding white, gold and silver. In the Fall you can expect animal prints!

Click here for the website.

It's the Sunday Comics

POKER FACE NO MORE

Photo: Ladygaga.com

MTV.com -- Lady Gaga released her video for Telephone this past week and the the entire internet has re-posted it.  Lady told MTV that the video is more about Beyonce and changing "what a visual product can be". That product? The mega-pop star, Bee, herself.

MTV says that Beyonce "fit in perfectly with the homages to the campy "Batman" series of the 1960s, Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill," Japanese manga, Salvador Dalí and Madonna that made the "Telephone" video an epic pop-culture adventure."

I said this blog is not about celebrities wearing stuff, but I have to do it. I have to talk about this video. Lady Gaga, your club kid music annoys me to no end. I swear if I hear "Poker Face" one more time, I'm going to run to the corner of whatever room I'm in, curl into a ball while covering my ears and just cry.

That said, you got me. I have wrote about you wearing Jean Castelbajac's Muppet creations, but that was a "story" assigned to me by my editor. This, however is my blog and I want  dwell in the sheer awesomeness that is the Haus of Gaga. Smoking cigarette glasses, telephone hair, trashy soda can hair accessories, the actual P*ssy Wagon from "Kill Bill"--- I long for a styling job that allows no holds barred, crazy-ass costume design. You've done it. I can't ignore you any longer.

See the video on MTV.com

REHAB: I SAID CLOTHES, CLOTHES CLOTHES!

Photo: WWD

WWD -Now on to celebrities making clothes. Amy Winehouse is pairing with British tennis player turned clothing maker, Fred Perry to create a fashion line.

Apparently, she thinks her vomit and beer stained dresses are coveted among the masses.

Why do actors and musicians who've wrecked their careers with substance abuse think that fashion is the next logical step? Lindsay Lohan went on to Emmanuel Ungaro (and then left), Chris Brown was cozying up to Gaultier and now this?

Is it that you think the fashion world is vapid and stupid enough to receive you? Vapid, maybe. Stupid, no. The business end knows what kind of publicity they will stir up for their brand. Geez, have none of you seen "The Devil Wears Prada?" Fashion invites you in, sadly, to watch you fall.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

THERE'S POO ON YOUR SHOE

Photo: High Snobette

High Snobette- A London-based artist and designer made a stiletto out of hardened elephant dookey.

You may remember when I covered moose crap necklaces on this blog. I simply don't understand the fascination playing with animal waste. Is this supposed to give us some sort of shock reaction? Because it doesn't. Toddlers have been known to pick up a dried dog turd while frolicking in their back yards. Does that make them artists?

Not only are the shoes made from sh*t, they look like they are made from, well, sh*t.  I don't know what's worse: the undigested vegetable matter or the neon print fabric. Gross.

BANANA INNUENDO

Photo: Aussiebum

Ecouterre- AussieBum, an Australian underwear maker has manufactured men's underwear made up of  27 percent banana fiber.  They say if they added a higher concentration of banana, the underwear would be "squishy."

All of the good jokes were covered in the original article such as giving "banana hammock a whole new meaning" and "G’day mate, is that a banana you’ve got down undah or are you just happy to see us?" and, " they don’t actually smell like bananas, so you won’t have to fend off snack-happy monkeys from your nethers" and last "We’d still keep our eyes peeled, though, if we were you."

I've got nothing.

BREAKING NEWS: TERRY IS A PERV

Photo: Uncle York

Huffington Post:  Model Jamie Peck says in an interview that Terry Richardson, famed "fashion" photographer whipped it out and "waggled" it during a photo shoot.

Yes, that's because he's Terry Richardson.

Expecting Terry not to show his junk at a photo shoot is like assuming that Amy Winehouse won't pass out on stage, or that Lady Gaga will wear khakis and a button down or that artists will stop using bodily functions to pass off as art.

I think I would be slightly disappointed if I worked with Terry and he didn't give me an autographed self portrait of his sac.  Thats a collectors item right there.

Who's Suing Who in Fashion and Retail

Wal-Mart Gits Her Dun!

Associated Press- Wal-Mart will be paying out $12 million to settle a suit claiming sex-discrimination in their Kentucky distribution center. Along with the pay out, the company says it will make changes to its hiring practices.

As reported by the Associated Press "The EEOC filed a class-action suit against Bentonville, Ark.-based Wal-Mart in 2001, alleging it hired 18 to 25-year-old men instead of women for jobs in the warehouse and routinely told applicants that order-filling positions were not suitable for women."

Save money, live better, but don't you weak womens come here lookin' for no job!  Yall should be dressin in unattractive chinos and fair isle sweaters, teachin yer kids how to paint team kellers on their faces and cookin up sum frozen pizzas fer your husbands during the big game.

And here I was, thinking they've entered into modern times with their Max Azria/ Miley Cyrus collaboration. It's just like me, a woman, always thinking about fashion.

No Ballers, Just Sanitation

Businessweek- Louis Vuitton Moet Hennesy filed a lawsuit this week against car-maker Hyundai for using a Big Louie-style logo on a basketball during Hyundai's Superbowl commercial entitled "Luxury." To ad insult to injury, the ad taunts riches for all.

LVMH is claiming "Hyundai’s conduct is likely to both dilute the distinctiveness and tarnish the reputation of the LVM marks,”

The first car I ever owned was a Hyundai, so I can sympathize somewhat with the luxury house's concerns.

However, not counting the unlicensed usage on houses, cars and even bongs featuring gold "L's" atop luscious chocolate brown, the actual brand itself could be doing a well enough job on its own of "dilution."

Photo:  Louis Vuitton via NY Mag

Exhibit A, Louis Vuitton's spring 2010 handbag for just under 2 grand is, well, a LV branded Hefty Cinch Sack. As mentioned before, here on this very blog, head designer Marc Jacobs has reached such an untouchable level success in the fashion industry that he is either f*cking with us by saying "suck it, poor people," or perhaps he's making a genius statement about the very hand that feeds him--and feeds him well. Though I haven't found an official record of Mr. Jacobs net worth, he recently purchased a townhouse in New York City worth over $13 million.

In LVHM's very own annual report, they claim "Excellent Resilience in a Global Crisis" and site total revenue of 17,053 million euros in 2009. According to my Google currency converter, that's $23,257.91 million in US dollars.

Before you go attaching a handle to a garbage bag and sporting it around town, don't consider this just another frivolous lawsuit. Some experts think it could fly.