Fashion Funhouse Emporium

Back in December 2009, I was in awe to find that Charlie Sheen had his own clothing line. In light of what people are calling Sheenmania, I thought I would re-visit his ventures in the fashion industry. After all, we in America love it when we see the mighty famous send themselves right to the shitter with a full on meth-fueled media blitz right?

Did you know that this father and husband of the year launched a children's line back in 2005? Yes, kids. Or should I say "Sheen Kidz." (Whats with the misspellings when it comes to children? Have you heard the "Kars for Kids" commercials? I was four when I learned to spell "car" and "kids" properly).

Kitson Kids in LA was a carrier of the line, but after glancing at the website, its nowhere to be found. How long its been gone, I'm not sure. Perhaps "It’s not available, because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

But, the company website for his little girls line is still up. Whats not funny is that this man has threatened to kill pretty much every woman hes been with and he has three daughters (and two sons). So why are his clothing sites still up? Are his business partners not worried about profiting from such a sad sack of a human being? Or is this some kind of tough love thing by all who surround him to just let him implode?

My solution to this "crisis" is this. Just imagine if its like one of those drinking games you played in college. Every time one of his maniacal rants trends on Twitter with the hash tag #winning, #tigerblood, #goddesses-- or someone re-posts his crap on Facebook, donate to a charity that helps abused women and children in honor of "Charlie Sheen's Media Blitz"

Even if its just a dollar, think about how this self-called clothing designer and fame-ho broke a record with the fastest growing account Twitter has ever had. And companies are actually now offering money to this disturbed poo bag to open his fat gob.

I urge you to participate in my Charlie Sheen Media Blitz call for donations. To find a women and children's charity near you, check the web and find somewhere you feel comfortable donating.

Here are a couple of links to check out:

Women, Children and Family Services of America

Charity Navigator

I just put my money where Sheen's dirty mouth is for local charity SafeHorizon.

I awoke at crack of dawn this am due to my landlord stomping around on the roof looking for leaks that recently made puddles in my bedroom. Having nothing better to do besides wait around in my fleece fuzzy pajamas that say "Joy" and "Merry" (which I am not at this hour) I decided to get  a jump start on the blogging.

I checked the WWD Morning Report for juicy tidbits to cast my snark or my oh so important approval upon. I came across an article about another clothing company cashing in on the fame of the Beatles.  This time its John Lennon. Meh. It happens all the time. Its not so interesting, right?

But, then I read to the end of the story and I see this: "Rock and Roll Religion has made several celebrity-related fashion deals in the past year. The company launched men’s lines with musician Scott Weiland and actor Charlie Sheen."

What? Back dat ass up!  Okay, the Scott Wieland connection is a little weird, but Charlie Sheen?

I'm sure you've heard by now that the Sheen-man spent Christmas in the slammer on charges domestic violence. So how timely is it that I've stumbled upon his clothing line called "DaVinci Collection?"

Charlie Sheen Arrested In Aspen

The line is a collaboration with Rock and Roll Religion's head designer Christopher Wicks and features a collection of those fugly button down patterned bowling shirts Charlie wears all the time.

Says Wicks of Sheen's shirts: “The style is influenced by the martini lounges, pool halls and bowling alleys of the era [50's].  It is nostalgic, yet chic without trying too hard.  I think he encompasses that aura and will bring a lot to the design table.”

Isn't this the same man that wears cross trainers and a paired down derivative of the Hawaiian shirt? When it comes to style he's about as chic as the menswear at a Big Lots in an Alabama shopping center.

Though, it does make sense if you ponder it for a moment.  Designing the same shirt over and over with only a slight change is sort of like his like watching the actor's heinous show "Two and a Half Men."

The duo of Jon Cryer and Charlie Sheen living as single, available men is like one of those "would you rather" scenarios. If you're unfamiliar, its when one person gives another person two options, each as bad as the other and made to choose. Example: Would you rather eat a steaming dog sh*t sandwich or watch "Two and a Half Men" for 24 hours straight?  If you had to sleep with Jon Cryer or Charlie Sheen...you get my point. (Though, as far as I know, Duckie wont beat on you)

I think Sheen needs to stop associating himself with martini bars, wine bars, pubs, pool halls, anywhere alcohol is served in general, drug dealers... The only thing Sheen is bringing to the "design" table is a punch in your face after an 8 ball and Beefeaters --and all  because the little olives printed on the shirt aren't big enough for his liking or you reminded him that it was actually Tom Hanks who starred in the "The DaVinci Code, " not him.

If you're looking for something to wear in your next mug shot, you can buy his shirts here.

At least they could airbrush out his man boob!?! Photo: Global Rebels