Is it okay to hawk the holidays now? I'm already annoyed by the Gap's "Go Christmas" commercial and cars with colossal bows, so my friends, its time. From now and every weekend until "X-mas" Fashion Funhouse Emporium will be bringing you cracked out gift guides so you can get that special someone something stupid. But, I do like to take myself way too seriously sometimes, so I'll provide you with cool and unusual gift ideas as well. Enjoy!
This week: gifts for guys!
These Japan Self-Defense Force Sunglasses have been officially endorsed by the Japanese military. They will not shatter when an object hits them at 106mph. So somewhere, some solider in Tokyo stood wearing these glasses while testers launched high speed sharp shit at his face. Ideal for the guy who wants the an "official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock!"
If your grampa is paranoid that the "damn Japs" are trying to steal his dentures, this Dirty Underwear Safe will put his old mind at ease. Though, I want to warn you that the real enemy here is most likely crack heads and doo doo streaked underwear is not a deterrent seeing as crack heads will dig through their own steaming pile of feces with a Taco Bell spork if they thought there was a rock in there.
I hate sports and I grew up in a sports town. Pretty much every gift request from my brother was a Steelers replica football shirt of some name I couldn't remember like the guy with the hair, Trace Palomolive? Anyway there's nothing more nightmarish than venturing into a Modell's and wading through aisles of NFL endorsed beer cozies and mini dancing Santas in team colors. Get him this and act like you have no idea what a replica jersey is.
You bought your Dad a tie for every birthday, Christmas, fathers day and anniversary since you were five, so why stray from what you know? Get him a gift that says" I still don't know what you want from me? Why cant you just accept me as I am??" with this recycled tie wallet.
I was struggling on finding one more gift for the Fashion Funhouse Emporium Funky Fab Five Holiday Guide so I asked my boyfriend for a fun and unique suggestion. He said "Marc Ekco makes Star Wars Hoodies!" I told him that no woman wants to see their adult boyfriend in a Star Wars hoodie. Though, these Darth Vader cufflnks are quirky, yet subtle with my tux. We love a man with a sense of playfulness don/t we? It says I'm fun, but "I don't fantasize about my girlfriend wearing two braid buns while I dress as a storm trooper ..."
